Professional Fire Starters

I am part of a world were people’s jobs is putting out fires. You could think that this means that we are some kind of firemen, well yes, but unlike our “real” world counterparts that handle “real” world fires, we get the chance, from time to time, to build vast virtual forests on top of nitroglycerin filled barrels (Cool hu?). These forests are strangely known for their tendency to go BUUUM.

Although I have to admit that the real firefighters do have the advantage of being able to be sexually harassed by women in heat while stripping in some strip joint ending in a twelve to one gang bang with massive lesbian action fuck party. ( Whyyyyyyyyy???????… Lucky bastards… sniff).

Another great characteristic of my wonderfully world is that probably all the fires that we have to put out were created by ourselves or by the people next to us and when we put out the fires we handle, most of the time they just shift somewhere else.

With things more or less clarified I have to say that my interest in this post is not really in the activity itself, but the people that do it.

Most of us handle all these flammable matters with the appropriate care but, like with all volatile things, shit happens… and the next second everything is toast.

People create these fires accidentally, on purpose or even, by pure politics, simply choose not put out the fire some one else lit.

I’ll enumerate a few classes:

1. – Firefighter guy

The guy who accidentally blows up stuff. This is the largest segment of the population in this line of work. He can swap categories once in a while, but most of the time he knows his place.

2. – Joker Intern Firefighter guy

The trainee guy that starts a fire because he decides to have fun, is plain stupid or childish. He is going to be caught, dealt with and probably come out resembling the ashes of his creation.

3. – Asshole Firefighter guy (Can also be designated as “Stupid Dumb Shit God Damn Mother Fucker Firefighter guy”)

The guy that starts a fire because he decides to burn someone else, is just ignorant. He may get away with it once or twice, but the Firefighter guy that only accidentally blows up stuff is not stupid and sooner or later his evil schemes will backfire. If he does manage to get away with it some how, he may evolve into the next category.

4. – PM (Postulant-Masochist) Firefighter guy

Now… Creating fires to be able to put them out latter on is just genius. These are highly qualified professionals that are able to perpetuate the company’s needs in their services, thereby assuring their own job, and most of all, and this is the genius part, get away with it clean by blaming someone beneath him in the hierarchical pyramid. He most probably evolved from the previous category and retains most characteristics.

It’s a fiery moebius strip.

(Please do not misinterpret this last sentence into something along the lines of Mohebius stripping in a flaming plateau… just… Yuck. Nasty stuff man, I’m feeling sick.)

Metal Storm