Professional Fire Starters

I am part of a world were people’s jobs is putting out fires. You could think that this means that we are some kind of firemen, well yes, but unlike our “real” world counterparts that handle “real” world fires, we get the chance, from time to time, to build vast virtual forests on top of nitroglycerin filled barrels (Cool hu?). These forests are strangely known for their tendency to go BUUUM.

Although I have to admit that the real firefighters do have the advantage of being able to be sexually harassed by women in heat while stripping in some strip joint ending in a twelve to one gang bang with massive lesbian action fuck party. ( Whyyyyyyyyy???????… Lucky bastards… sniff).

Another great characteristic of my wonderfully world is that probably all the fires that we have to put out were created by ourselves or by the people next to us and when we put out the fires we handle, most of the time they just shift somewhere else.

With things more or less clarified I have to say that my interest in this post is not really in the activity itself, but the people that do it.

Most of us handle all these flammable matters with the appropriate care but, like with all volatile things, shit happens… and the next second everything is toast.

People create these fires accidentally, on purpose or even, by pure politics, simply choose not put out the fire some one else lit.

I’ll enumerate a few classes:

1. – Firefighter guy

The guy who accidentally blows up stuff. This is the largest segment of the population in this line of work. He can swap categories once in a while, but most of the time he knows his place.

2. – Joker Intern Firefighter guy

The trainee guy that starts a fire because he decides to have fun, is plain stupid or childish. He is going to be caught, dealt with and probably come out resembling the ashes of his creation.

3. – Asshole Firefighter guy (Can also be designated as “Stupid Dumb Shit God Damn Mother Fucker Firefighter guy”)

The guy that starts a fire because he decides to burn someone else, is just ignorant. He may get away with it once or twice, but the Firefighter guy that only accidentally blows up stuff is not stupid and sooner or later his evil schemes will backfire. If he does manage to get away with it some how, he may evolve into the next category.

4. – PM (Postulant-Masochist) Firefighter guy

Now… Creating fires to be able to put them out latter on is just genius. These are highly qualified professionals that are able to perpetuate the company’s needs in their services, thereby assuring their own job, and most of all, and this is the genius part, get away with it clean by blaming someone beneath him in the hierarchical pyramid. He most probably evolved from the previous category and retains most characteristics.

It’s a fiery moebius strip.

(Please do not misinterpret this last sentence into something along the lines of Mohebius stripping in a flaming plateau… just… Yuck. Nasty stuff man, I’m feeling sick.)

Metal Storm

Einy Minee Miny Moe

“I would do what I pleased, and doing what I pleased, I should have my will, and having my will, I should be contented; and when one is contented, there is no more to be desired; and when there is no more to be desired, there is an end of it.”

Miguel Cervantes – Don Quixote (pt. I, bk. IV, ch. XXIII)

So everything is done with and end in view. The problem is that most of the times things take a strange turn before getting to the end, and some times even after that.

Take STDs for example. For the most absent minded, STD does not stand for Synchronous Twat Dyslexia, but for Sexual Transmitted Diseases.
They are, for some, a modern day plague, for others a way for God to punish the sinners, and to all of them i say, take your heads out of your asses…

I’m as ok as the next man with everybody fucking around, but I’m not ok with some one giving me surprise presents. It’s just a thing I’ve been nursing ever since i was a kid… it’s called Life.

If you want to fuck around go right ahead but use protection, be that knight in shinny armor (maybe even with a tip that glows in the dark, with a little trick i like to call 235 uraniummmm) that she wants, and giver her the ride of her life, or even yours.

And then when you get home after twelve hours of sweat-glowing pleasure, imagine you find out that your partner give you more than you bargained for, and that Chernobyl, compared to your down under is like the garden of paradise.

So wise up and keep that glowing thing away from me…

Mohebius

And at the seven day…

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore!”
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”
Merely this, and nothing more.”

Edgar Allan Poe – The Raven

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.
Now who would want that? Specially when you have such nice herbs one can smoke, that help you see things on a much prettier light.

Take the Star Wars trilogy for example. How do you think George Lucas came up with that story?? I’ll only tell you that it was some good, i mean GOOD shit.
In case of doubt just think of it…
We have an invisible thing called The Force that surrounds us all; A parent that wears a black mask and a leather costume; Incest between brother and sister, and I’m almost positive that the whole episode back on the Moon ofEndor was some bad acid trip, or else how do you explain the Ewoks?

And to prove my point just see how the actors turned out.
Princess Leya smoked more pot that there is savanna in Africa, Obi Wan kept popping out some little robots, and Luke, what can i say but “Use the Force, Luck” (Freud would analyse this Force thing as a euphemism for gang-masturbation).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Star Wars as much as the next man, my point is, MAN that shit was really good…

Mohebius

Human Condition

“Nothing discernible to the eye of the spirit is more brilliant or obscure than man; nothing is more formidable, complex, mysterious, and infinite. There is a prospect greater than the sea, and it is the sky; there is a prospect greater than the sky, and it is the human soul.”

in Victor Hugo – Les Miserables

Most elections are a democratic process, that represent the will of the people, or judging by the last elections, the will of someone that thinks what the people wants…
In the recent polls, we see a strange phenomena occurring, that until this elections, some thought inconceivable: a woman and a not so white man running for office.

Times do change, and with them the people.

Take a look at where Americans stand today. According to recent polls, Barack Obama is the undisputed leader of this race (no pun intended) and is well on his way to becoming the first not so white President of the United States of America. I can imagine what’s going on inside some redneck’s head: “Ok, between the nigger and the bitch, might as well be the nigger, otherwise the bitch will spend all the budget on carpets.”

Still, some people genuinely believe in Obama’s project for the country. Not surprising either. After George Bush Jr. we’d be better off even with Carrot Top calling the shots, even if vodka ones…

So a revolution is about to occur. While I do hope that Obama does a good work, I’ll sincerely chuckle at the sight of those self-righteous people haters (you know, like me, but a bit more self-righteous) pissed off because their president isn’t an intern-cigar-fucking pristine white boy.

So with votes of great success and an entertaining election day (or weeks if this shit goes to court again), God bless America. ( nah, fuck them, with a cherry on top. )

Charoum & Mohebius

A little bird whispered in my ear…

“I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, ‘Come!’ I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine, and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth”

Book of Revelations 6:7-8

Most of the time I’m sitting at some random meeting at work, I’m amazed by the amount of bullshit that’s spit out in one single meeting. The amount of crap some executive can throw at you is unbelievable. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll be fucked in no time. You’ll have to work more, do more, produce more, and with a little bit of luck, be paid less.

Speaking of which, we have clergy. Yes, you totally read that right: religion is bullshit.
According to the holy church, there’s a man who lives in the sky, who watches everything you do at every single moment (yes, that includes your everyday private jerking-off-moment-while-contemplating-your- totally-nonexistent-sex-life) and this man has a list of ten things you shouldn’t do. And if you do any of those things, you’ll spend the rest of this eternity in the fiery damnation of Hell! …but He loves you!

Oh and did i mention that He also doesn’t give a shit? Look at all the famine, all war, not enough rape, and we could not leave without mentioning George Bush (junior) …
This is the point where you go ‘No He cares about us, his child died for us’, and the i say ‘yes, that’s true, but also happened in a time when chickens had teeth’.

Come on, if you still believe in that, the you should also consider Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. At least they don’t throw you to eternal damnation if you spit on the side walk or try to rape your neighbour… Wait, that one is actually against the law, strike that one…

And so we part, I’m now going to repent my sins and pay a Dominatrix to expiate them for me.

Charoum & Mohebius

Free Services

Let me ask you a few questions: 

 

Are you the kind of person that believes that the best things in life are free?

Do you think that someone should never pay for sex?

Do you think that your better half the most beautiful person in the world?

 

Well then this essay is for you (and every other psycho that enjoys the idea).

 

If you belong to the group of people I have just described, I have news for you. You are wrong. Nothing, but absolutely nothing that has value is free, no one product, book, service, anything you can think off that really has quality is free. It’s reality, live with it.

I can tell you even more, unless you are a movie star or a rock star, your partner is probably not the best looking person in the world. (Those are expensive, which probably is the most distant thing from free that you can find and you probably can’t afford it).

 

Well my friend do not falter. Behold and rejoice, for I possess the solution to these issues, while respecting all believes described above. Please step into my office and follow my thought.

 

If we can have no cost services backed up by advertisement, like internet, car renting and even television to some point, why can’t we have deluxe escort services in the same manner? What does this solve say you?

Well, you could be pleasured by a quality grade 12 person for absolutely no fee. Just ignore the Gillette sticker in his face or the “Lubed by Castrol” sticker in her back and enjoy the ride.

It is probably the best thing in life, its free (you are paying, but not actively so it doesn’t really counts) and they still may not be the best looking persons in the world but they sure as hell are higher in rank that your significant other.

Just think about it…

Metal Storm

The sanctity of leasing

“Thus, during those nineteen years of torture and slavery, did this soul rise and fall at the same time. Light entered on the one side, and darkness on the other.”

Victor Hugo – Les Miserábles
Book II – The Fall * Chapter VII

Relationships is such a vast topic, that due to popular demand (both voices on my mind), the subject is back…
Today we’ll see how the world is twisted and how everything is related, no matter how far fetched it seems.
Take Leasing and Marriages for example. For the untrained eye they have nothing in common, but if you look closely…

Leasing normally works by first selecting the object of your desire, that you can’t obviously afford, or you wouldn’t need a leasing, then by giving a down payment, and then your stuck with it for a long LONG time…

Surprisingly Marriages work in a very similar way. First you search for a girl that you want, but normaly can’t have, and in the end you won’t, so you settle for second best, then you give a down payment, meeting the parents and the you marry her being stuck with her/him for a long LONG time…

And all this is the good part, because after this is all downhill.
After some time you begin to see the new models and begin to wonder why can’t you have one of those, but then remember that you leased until the end of time and, as you didn’t have enough money for a decent down payment, you still have a huge residual value to pay for the lease.
Kinda like your marriage, because unless you know/are a very VERY good lawyer your residual payment will leave you working for food, and you can forget about sex.

So if you get an urge think when all the blood in your body is some place else, just pay for it…

Mohebius

Food and such oddities

“Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch’Entrate”
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

in Dante Alighieri’s The Divine Comedy – Canto III

on today’s menu we have the “intra-work relationships” special.
this is composed by a portion of man, a portion of woman, two table spoons of passion and a dash of hot hot indian spice.
like all dishes with hot spices, one needs to really like that kind of food to enjoy them…

One of the problems of eating out like this is that basically you’re fucked.
First in a good and sweaty way, but after it just leaves a bad after taste specially if rimming is included as desert.
Your colleagues begin to suspect something, either because your not careful enough, or just simply because of all the bragging. The cleaning woman begins to complain about all the stains in the meeting table and the foot prints on the wall.
And then there’s the all hierarchical shit. If she’s on top of you, she’ll enjoy it more and scream louder, and if she’s beneath you, the probability of she yelling ’sexual harassment’ is, how shall i put it, more percentage that you have that that child is yours…

So take Dante word for it, and don’t venture on foods you don’t know…

Mohebius

Desires…

William Shakespeare’s Macbeth

“Stars, hide your fires:
Let not light see my black and deep desires:
The eye wink at the hand; yet let that be
Which the eye fears, when it is done, to see.”

–Act 1, Scene 5, Lines 50-3: Macbeth to himself

I was going to talk about the lunch hour, but that involve having to explain the cow freezing ships and why that is more humane, and what the hell is a cow freezing ship..
So instead, and picking up on Macbeth theme, we’ll talk about dark desires.

Today we had a meeting where everybody spoke their mind about what is wrong, in the hope that it mattered and things changed, or at least this was what management wanted.
News flash: People don’t change! They can make an effort, and they can even try to adjust, if the adjustment is somewhat related to the way they feel, but change? nope, nobody changes.
And so we could see in everyone’s faces a dark desire, the same desire that compels a kid with a match box to lit it all up and set the world on fire.
Now I understand why the Holly Inquisition burn people at the stake… for all the pretty lights, but later in time, as burning people was banned they came up with LSD.

ohhh and pretty they are… eerrrr but that’s all we’ve got time today…

Mohebius

An hour at lunch

I think Lewis Carol said it best in his novel “The Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” -
“Who’s the more foolish – the fool, or the fool who follows him?”
That said, on our lunch hour we try and follow….
And today’s topic was…

Rim jobs aka Rimming

By definition, a person who has a job working at RIM, or as someone so elegantly put it in our trustworthy Urban Dictionary

Rim jobs are the untold truth of no barriers relationships.
Some try to put it in a way that sounds almost pleasant, but come on, the tongue was not built for that, or was it?
Sure that’s an area with a lot of nervous connections but so is your penis, and do you get a tongue ?…
oh wait, maybe you can get someone tongue down there…
I see possibilities here…
This can turn out to be a nice experience after all.

But even this is nothing new, it has even been done by the ‘this is not sex’ President.

And as long as she’s down there… hell!, lets live dangerously.

So tell us your experiences and come back for the second installment of our lunch hour.

Mohebius